I hate when good things happen to stupid people.
I have applied to dozens of scholarships and maybe received one or two. I was reading the "Previous Winners" section of one of my rejectors only to discover that the girl who won has the grammar of a 5th grader!
And now, I understand her story was sad- her grandmother is sick and her mom is depressed and that really sucks- but that doesn't mean she is allowed to be illiterate!
Anyone out there who frequently writes essays and applies for scholarships knows that conversational phrases are OFF LIMITS.
Dear Students,
Use common sense when writing essays. You aren't talking to your best friend or you mother or your cat. Approaching eloquence, or even feigning literacy, is highly appreciated.
Love,
amg
Dear Scholarship Judges,
Do not reward bad writing, especially when your website claims that your "judges expect you to use correct spelling, grammar, punctuation, and sentence case."
Love,
amg
(During this rant, I allude to a specific scholarship. I have omitted any hints as to which scholarship I am referring to in order to preserve the privacy of those involved. I wouldn't want someone to not get a job because their potential employer discovered that person's stupidity.)
get happy,
amg
I think this reminds you to write anything you want to write. Since ass-kissing them with your feigned Italian-ness doesn't work, write 'em a funny story about how much you love pesto or hate gondolas. I think I wrote them three letters that said you were the best person in the world, so next time I'm gonna tell them you are a fat Swedish shut-in in Calgary who hallucinates she's Sicilian and you'll kill yourself if they don't send you money.
ReplyDeleteHahaha!
ReplyDeleteGood deal.
Also, my Italian-ness is not feigned.