Mall-evolent

In the Summer Season, our mall has seen a uniquely diverse population. And so, prepare yourself for another installment of

The Top Mall Patrons of my Career!

(in no particular order)

7. In almost every situation, I hate tourists. I hate looking like a tourist, I hate things that cater to tourists, and I hate the uniform of the tourist. Almost everything about tourists is deplorable. Except, ironically, their behavior in malls. For some reason, tourists often treat my mall as if it is a museum. I have seen entire families line themselves up in front of the most mundane of scenery, with the sort of grinless obligation only seen in depression-era photos, in order to preserve their family memories forever on 35mm. These families are entertaining to watch because of their complete lack of "American-ness," but are also appreciated because they are the only people that truly admire our malls 1992 era paint scheme and fake palm trees. 

8. While it isn't unusual to see a 30, 40, or 50 something walking around the mall in his/her gym clothes, usually because they are too lazy to actually get dressed in the morning, mall walkers are a different phenomena entirely. Mall walkers are usually much older, say in their 70s or 80s, and they literally walk laps around the mall. They are often overweight and clearly haven't heard of sweatpants, made obvious by their lack of gym attire. While they are supposed to limit their mall-walking to 7-10am, a few can be seen at later and later times of day. The best part about the mall walkers is watching them dodge the clusters of 15 year old loiterers while maintaining their swift mall-walk pace. They usually take mall walking pretty seriously and will trample anyone who gets in their way. Don't let this guys smile fool you. Mall walkers are a serious mall subculture.

get happy,

amg

Mall-y Mall-y Oxen Free!!

Since I am recently out of school and have very little motivation to write ANYTHING, the best I can offer to you blogitarians, is another installment of my observations on mall society.

The Top Mall Patrons of my Career!

(in no particular order)

5. Dog people are an evolving and more visible mall population. Recently at my particular mall, a restaurant opened up called The Lazy Dog Cafe in which they openly allow dogs to sit with their human counterparts in the patio section. For some reason, however, dog owners have taken this to mean that the entire mall is actually in fact a dog park and they let their dogs roam freely. Despite the fact that we have a "no dogs on the floor" rule, I never reprimand this people for their annoying habits. That isn't my job and some dogs are really cute. Anyhow, some of the craziest dog owners in the city find themselves in the mall with their dog strollers and matching haircuts. My biggest problem with this trend is that dogs are animals, (we are too, but that is a discussion for a different blog entry) and they really have no part in such a humanly place. They can't poop, eat, bark, run, or do any other doggy things in a mall. But, they also can't shop, converse, loiter, or do any of the humanly things that malls allow for. So, to all dog people, if you love your dogs, take them to a park. If you love the mall, get some human friends.

6. Chatters make me really despise my job. These are the people that think my job is to listen to them complain about their problems. Really though, they are just becoming one of my problems that I need to complain to someone else about, thus perpetuating a really unfortunate cycle of gloom. What people need to understand is that I am essentially a receptionist. I answer phones and do office work and give people directions. I really don't care if you are having financial woes, or if your husband died, or if your mom is sick. Even if I did care, I make very little money and can't do anything about it. You will not gain anything by talking to me. I would rather just be left alone to work, and to blog, of course.

get happy,
amg