Darth Mall

Welcome, blog-stalkers, to another issue of

The Top Mall Patrons of my Career!

(in no particular order)

3. Tween Boys are such a joy to watch amble through the mall with that "I-wish-I-could-shave-so-bad" lust in there eyes. They usually travel in packs with hair that is far longer than it should be and wearing clothing articles where they shouldn't be (i.e. ties around their waists, socks on their arms, and shoe laces around their wrists). They think they are really cool, and yet there are a few of them that I have seen every weekend. In other words, they ONLY hang out at the mall, which makes you about as cool as a mall employee, which speaking from experience, is NOT cool. (P.S. Why do the kids up on the left there have pink hands?)

4. Young, entrepreneurial parents are an annoying breed. In their attempt to live the postmodernist American Dream, they plan their family to the last detail. I can only bet that somewhere buried on their Macbook Pro, is a spreadsheet with each pregnancy planned to the day and a reminder to hit up that hip baby website for one of these puppies -------->.

Which only reminds me that the worst part about these couples are their crappy, foreign strollers that look like they were made by Ikea. The young, post-hipsters' infinite mediocrity has led them to overcompensate with space-aged strollers that look like everything Walt Disney put into TomorrowLand in the 1950s; utterly useless. I don't understand the point of these overly-complicated strollers that they drop $1000 on, despite the fact that little Poe and Italia will only even use it for 2 years.

Well, that's all I got.

None of these photos are mine. I googled them. NOT MINE. Don't sue me.

get happy,

amg